Twilight Town High, Home of the People Snatchers
by Do a Barrel Roll
Summary: Parody of high school AU. Sora and co. are starting out a new year! Now if only the cross dressers, dudes with dreads, guys with protruding belly buttons, fan girls, and pop culture references would cease so this TV sitcom could proceed normally...


**Author's Note: Since the sitcom parodies in _The Vanitas Ads _got so popular, I decide to continue it even further and make it a full-blown high school AU parody. Face it, everyone: the Kingdom Hearts fans can take the fandom and the work itself way too seriously. Might as well poke fun at ourselves!**

**And thus, a parody was born, and it was wrapped in smothering clothes and laid in Microsoft Word...**

**Disclaimer: Own _Kingdom Hearts, Disney, Final Fantasy_, _Mario, Star Wars, The Sims, Dragonball Z, Star Trek, _Starbucks, or Johnny Cash, I do not! Own a Darth Vader bobblehead, I do! Own a five lb. bag of gummi bears, I no longer do! Woe! Woe is me!**

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><p><span>The Office<span>

**Mickey Mouse:** The principal. A nice guy who'll always lend a helping hand, even when you don't want it.

**Xemnas:**The vice principal. A manipulative douche bag with a superiority complex. They say the fake bake befuddled his brain.

**Vanitas:** The school therapist. Laughs like a rapist and smiles like an ax murderer.

**Snow White: **The office secretary. Overly sweet and fond of baking.

**Saix:** The school's bipolar male nurse with a banana fetish.

**Aerith Gainsborough: **The male nurse's assistant. Ridiculously kind and eccentric; she seems old, but she actually graduated early and is really the age of a senior.

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><p><span>The Teachers<span>

**Vexen: **Biology professor. Loves experiments and steamy romance novels. Don't ask and he won't tell.

**Lexaeus: **The P.E. teacher. A burly genius; the MANLIEST staff member of all time. Just don't call him beefcake, because he's an ex-con and will bust yo head open like a can of peaches.

**Jack Skellington: **Art teacher. Obsessed with the holidays and a bit of a bonehead.

**Donald Duck: **The speech teacher who, ironically, has a speech impediment himself. Hot-tempered and has _very _bad luck. He's considered a butt monkey

**Xigbar: **The history teacher. A conspiracy theorist who is infamous for his party dude attitude!

**Marluxia: **The home economics teacher. Metrosexual, borderline fruity, and is in love with the daisies outside his window.

**Jafar: **The language arts teacher. Likes to twirl his beard when plotting not nice things. Very similar to Severus Snape, only he doesn't turn into a good guy.

**Cid Highwind: **Physics teacher. A known chain smoker; he has an attitude problem, but dang, is he still awesome.

**Maleficent: **The chemistry teacher. Pure evil...with a side of chic!

**Luxord: **Choir teacher. A renown Johnny Cash fan and gambler.

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><p><span>Seniors<span>

**Aqua: **Kind and yet hard core. Is into art and athletics.

**Belle:** A total bookworm; she's addicted to coffee and good literature.

**Zexion: **Another bookworm, but he prefers bologna sandwiches over coffee.

**Axel: **A pyromaniac as well as the senior's token ginger who works at Hot Topic. He enjoys lurking Facebook and eating ice cream religiously.

**Zack Fair: **A chipper boy with a hero complex and vast optimism. Is comparable to a squirrel on Red Bull, crack cocaine, and pixie stix in a bouncy fun house.

**Larxene: **A total...female canine. She's too flirty for everyone's good and she was once arrested for bringing knives to school.

**Demyx: **A lackadaisical musician. Works at Starbucks after school (try the Java Chip, he recommends it!)

**Sephiroth: **Thinks he's all that and a bag of chips, but he ain't even a bag of chips. He's just a butthole.

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><p><span>Juniors<span>

**Riku: **Recovering from past...trauma. Likes cookies and Parcheesi.

**Cloud Strife: **Very shy, seems quiet to most people; wants to join the militia.

**Tifa Lockhart: **A gentle yet brutal martial artist; has an unwanted "harem."

**Aurora: **Heavily involved in the choir; Ven has a crush on her.

**Mulan Fa: **A trained martial artist; often speaks of honor. And green tea. And Asian cliches.

**Jasmine: **Aladdin's girlfriend. She loves to visit the mall and see the sights, but doesn't like the prospect of her hand getting chopped off. It's a serious phobia of hers.

**Aladdin: **Jasmine's boyfriend. Street smart and sneaky, in a weirdly nice way. He once got into a golf cart chase and caused a seventeen car pile-up...over a loaf of bread.

**Ariel: **Also heavily involved in choir; she's the junior's token ginger.

**Repliku: **Riku's twin brother. He feels like Luigi, always in Mario's/Riku's shadow. Repliku always comes in last, such as in sports, in academics, and on this list.

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><p><span>S<span>ophomores

**Sora: **A big old goofball with a heart of gold. The friendship in his heart has been measure to be OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAND!

**Kairi: **The sophomore's token ginger. She often seems to be the only sane person in the entire school.

**Namine: **President of the art club and Kairi's twin sister. Acts like an abused puppy on some occasions. She once knocked Sora into a coma.

**Roxas: **Ventus's twin brother, a stoic boy who is often facing existential crises. Hangs with an odd crowd.

**Ventus: **Cal him Ven. Roxas's twin brother, he hangs with the upper classmen.

**Neku Sakuraba: **An anti-social who never takes his headphones off. He is only slightly talkative when in the presence of a very select group of people. Never call him Carrot Top.

**Hayner: **A hotblooded, roleplaying maniac. He likes to pretend he's the main character.

**Pence: **A laid back slacker who will eat anything placed in front of him. No joke. ANYTHING.

**Olette: **Student body president and the biggest overachiever in the history of high school AUs.

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><p><span>Freshmen<span>

**Xion: **An aspiring puppeteer. Always seen cosplaying.

**Peter Pan: **The freshmen's token ginger. He's never seen wearing anything other than his trademark green tights.

**Alice: **A curious British foreign exchange student. A champ at poker.

**Yuffie Kisaragi: **A ninja fan girl with the klepto itch. She is obsessed with marbles and gobstoppers.

**Vivi Orunitier: **A meek little child, but be careful...he can blow things up with his mind.

**Tidus: **Star of the blitzball team (in his mind, anyway). His laugh is annoying.

**Yuna: **Tidus's girlfriend, a strong, determined young woman made of true grit.

**Rikku: **A bubbly dumb blond with a penchant for trouble; Yuna's cousin.

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><p><span>Other People of Interest<span>

**Terra: **The chemistry student teacher. He's a former student and he's usually seen with Aqua and Ven.

**Beast: **Real name is Adam. Belle's college boyfriend. There were once rumors of him being a furry, but Belle, Sora and some others helped quash them.

**Auron:** Tidus's guardian. He'll tell you that this is your story, but he'll never explain the plot of said story. Jerk.

**Goofy: **The school's janitor. The kids all love his silliness and take turns guessing what animal he's supposed to represent.

**Xaldin: **Often seen loitering around school. In fact, some of the kids seem to know him...

**Seifer:** A dropout who somehow managed to join the law enforcement and become the cafeteria security guard...not much of an improvement from dropout. Mostly he just eats doughnuts.

**Leon: **The lunch lady...err, man. He never serves sweets and he's not very good with children.

**Eraqus: **The militia recruiter. He hates Star Trek with a passion, particularly Spock.

**Stitch: **The biology lab pet. He seems more intelligent than Vexen lets on...

**Ansem the Wise: **The superintendent. However, he's usually too busy playing The Sims to do any actual work.

**Jenova: **Cloud's, Zack's, and Sephiroth's mother; they all have different fathers.

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><p><strong>Did I forget anyone? I wouldn't want to miss out on any comedy material. Let me know if I left out a favorite character!<strong>


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